What I've Learned

I assigned this as an exercise in my creative writing class. It's based on the Esquire Magazine feature. My colleague got a published poem out of this exercise.

Here's my list:

1. The less money you make, the more likely it is you'll have to spend a lot of time justifying your salary.
2. Smoke all you want; just don't pretend it's not bad for you.
3. I am not ashamed to drink light beer. Most beer snobs remind me of Dungeons and Dragons players anyway.
4. Anybody who complains that people are only interested in looks should not be too interested in looks.
5. Almost everybody feels inadequate in some way.
6. Computers don't make writing easier; they make rewriting easier.
7. Watching the local TV news never helped anyone.
8. Beer and ice cream go well together.
9. The serial comma is a wonderful thing.
10. People are generally unsympathetic to the pain of divorced men. When a woman gets divorced, people ask her, "What did he do?" When a men gets divorced, people ask him, "What did you do?"
11. Every man should own a convertible at least once.
12. You can cause a lot of misery by trying not to hurt people.
13. Most of what we really learn we learn on our own. The best teachers don't pour knowledge into our heads; they help us to see that learning is possible and how best to learn.
14. There is no work like getting behind a shovel and digging.
15. Everybody is manipulative is some way. Some are just better at it than others.
16. The only real unconditional love is a parent's love for child.
17. A lot of people don't listen so much as wait for an opportunity to talk.
18. Young people think they know more than anyone else. And they're right.
19. I don't like people and peole don't like me, so it work out OK -- except when I need a ride to the airport.
20. We won't find answers by exploring space. The answers are already here.