I apologize (that you're an idiot)

There has been much writing in recent years about the "non-apology," especially as we become more embroiled in the era of "outrage politics" and the so-called "he said/she said" negotiations surrounding "MeToo" accusations. Sometimes, those accused of "inappropriate behavior" or comments, or those accused of other crimes, don't really want to apologize and don't really feel like they did anything wrong, so they say, "I'm sorry if anybody was offended" or "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

As psychologists remind us (though it should be obvious), these kinds of words are not really apologies at all. They are in the same neighborhood as saying, "No offense, but .... "

Honestly, when one must offer a non-apology, I find the best way is to go with the words of Rhett Butler, who told a young hot-head whom he obviously found pathetic and did not want to humiliate in a physical fight, "I apologize again for all my shortcomings."

Rhett Butler "apologizes."

As this New York Times piece reminds us, Southern speech, for all its supposed politeness and eloquence, is often passive-aggressive and many polite exchanges are designed to reinforce certain social codes and put people "in their place," so to speak. (An earlier blog of mine addressed this in a more general way.) Rhett Butler's apology is really more of "I'm sorry you can't see what an idiot you are," or, as this definition in Urban Dictionary puts it, "I'm sorry I don't think or act like an asshole like yourself." As the UD says, it's a "gentleman's" phrase, a polite way of telling someone, more or less, to "fuck off." It's nice to have this kind of language at your disposal, and the gentleman has the advantage of being able to deploy it and thereby cause more consternation than actual offense. He goes on his way, like Rhett Butler, to tour the grounds and find someone else to make sport of.