Excuse Me

I'm a big champion of manners and politeness, as I think these are the oils that keep the engines of society running smoothly. Still, even though I've been in Houston forty years, I'm a little uncomfortable when students and others say, "Yes, sir" to me.  This is a very Southern custom, and while I appreciate the gentility of it, and I'm not offended at the idea that I'm old enough to be called "sir," I am always secretly worried that they might being slightly sarcastic, as in "Yes, sir!"  Since this is the South (or Texas's version of the South), however, I am mostly sure they are just being polite in the way they were brought up to be.

It's an interesting problem or paradox, this perception of politeness as rudeness or aloofness. I've noticed something similar when I say "excuse me" as I'm trying to get around someone in a crowded situation.  Sometimes, people will take the "excuse me" as a euphemism for "you're in the damn way."  It's annoying that people would take my attempt to be polite as code for "get out of the way," since of course I'm trying to avoid being rude, but maybe polite language often disguises something less polite, a less noble motivation or a hidden, nasty thought. After all, what Northerners sometimes dislike about Southern politeness is its lack of directness or perceived lack of honesty. Similarly, while I tend to be overly polite with people I don't know well (my being introverted and hard of hearing compounds this effect), some people take this as a sign of aloofness or unwillingness to be social. 

This paradox is also a great source of tension and conflict in Streetcar Named Desire, as the working-class and very direct Stanley confronts Blanche about her secrets and lies, which she conveniently covers up with her upper-class veneer of propriety.  She says Belle Reeve, the family plantation, was "lost" -- a romantic and mystical way of obfuscating the fact that the plantation was foreclosed upon.  She refers to her indiscretions (another polite word) as "meetings with strangers."  When she is forced to be honest, the result is ugly and violent.

So yes, it's a human balancing act, this ongoing struggle between honesty and politeness. Being honest (or direct, as its sometimes referred to by people who are probably too blunt and impolite in their communication) is not always the best policy, in spite of the common saying. Yet being polite when the situation calls for more directness should also be avoided. Perhaps when I want to get around people, I should simply say hello and ask them if I can't get around them, instead of using a curt, standard expression.  But I'll probably keep on saying, "Excuse me."