Here's an article I wrote for MD magazine. Yes, this is a real newsstand magazine as well as an online site. The semi-satirical magazine celebrates guilt-free imbibing with a style reminiscient of the 1960s cocktail generation. Disclaimer: This site not for those under 21. Please be responsible and careful when partaking.
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/53/53_hold_the_ice.html
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
Why People Steal Music
This is why the music industry is collapsing: While they fail to secure the electronic distribution rights of older music, they try to make up for phantom lost profits by bundling hit songs with duds into "album purchase only" packages. It is no wonder people steal songs. The MBAs who run these music companies are missing the point of electronic music, I think. Nobody is interested in "albums" anymore (I don't think anybody has been since the artistry of the LP was replaced by the plasticky awkwardness of CD packaging.)
The back catalogs of the following artists are not available on iTunes, as revealed by my recent futile searches:
Def Leppard
Bob Seger
AC/DC
I'm sure there's more to come. When an industry fails to cater to the (admittedly pretty bad) tastes of someone like me, someone who is willing to pay for individual songs from the classic rock era, it writes its own death certificate.
Don't even get me started on the new iTunes-Starbucks partnership.
The back catalogs of the following artists are not available on iTunes, as revealed by my recent futile searches:
Def Leppard
Bob Seger
AC/DC
I'm sure there's more to come. When an industry fails to cater to the (admittedly pretty bad) tastes of someone like me, someone who is willing to pay for individual songs from the classic rock era, it writes its own death certificate.
Don't even get me started on the new iTunes-Starbucks partnership.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Bad Punctuation All Around Us
A colleague sent this link to a blog cataloguing instances of a certain pet peeve of mine:
http://www.apostropheabuse.com/
This reminded me of a bad business idea I once had: When I see mistakes like this on signs and menus (apostrophe mistakes seem to be the most common –- and for some reason, the most annoying), I would send the business manager a letter with a correction and explanation. Then I would ask the manager or owner to send me a dollar or two as a token of his immense gratitude. (I guess this would be the editing equivalent of taking photos of tourists with the expectation that they’ll buy the photo afterward. )
As a business idea, it’s horrible, which I suppose is why I’m not in business.
Ask me about my other business ideas sometime. (I don't know who I'm talking to. No one reads my blog.)
http://www.apostropheabuse.com/
This reminded me of a bad business idea I once had: When I see mistakes like this on signs and menus (apostrophe mistakes seem to be the most common –- and for some reason, the most annoying), I would send the business manager a letter with a correction and explanation. Then I would ask the manager or owner to send me a dollar or two as a token of his immense gratitude. (I guess this would be the editing equivalent of taking photos of tourists with the expectation that they’ll buy the photo afterward. )
As a business idea, it’s horrible, which I suppose is why I’m not in business.
Ask me about my other business ideas sometime. (I don't know who I'm talking to. No one reads my blog.)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
On Irony
There's always the danger in being ironic and/or sarcastic that someone will mistake your intent. So let me take this opportunity to explain that the post below about watching TV on the Internet was written in jest. Thank you.
I was going to write a diatribe about the difference between irony and sarcasm, but I'm trying to be less didactic and more succinct in my posts (both here and in my on-line class, where I'm afraid I've become the virtual equivalent of the geek in the front of the class who always raises his hand and then talks for 15 minutes.
I was going to write a diatribe about the difference between irony and sarcasm, but I'm trying to be less didactic and more succinct in my posts (both here and in my on-line class, where I'm afraid I've become the virtual equivalent of the geek in the front of the class who always raises his hand and then talks for 15 minutes.
In the Coffee Shop
So I'm sitting in the coffee shop, trying to get some writing and grading done, and the barrista (like that word, don't you?) is sitting on a stool watching the football game. He's actually cheering at the television. Aren't coffee shops supposed to be quiet places for nerds like me to read and write things like this? Is this a coffee sports bar? Maybe I should have just gone to Hooters.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Pocahontas and John Smith
My American lit class engaged in an interesting activity today. We watched portions of some film versions of the John Smith-Pocahontas story to supplement the reading of Smith's journal, and then they had some group discussion on the significance of the enduring Pocahontas legend. I have some thoughts of my own.
The most interesting angle to me is that latter versions of the story (not Smith's own version) introduce the idea of a romantic relationship between Smith and Pocahontas. This fanciful, Hollywood spin on the legend in part simply makes for a better story, as it extends and complicates their entanglement, and it makes the story more enjoyable as a romantic encounter across language and cultural barriers. People love a good love story, and sex sells.
Still, it seems to me that it serves a larger, more metaphorical purpose. The idea that Smith's own story of Pocahontas saving him serves colonial ends in suggesting a peaceful coexistence between Natives and English is well established, but why eroticize the story? In oversimplified terms, the love story symbolizes the romance between England and the New World. Just as many English poets and early travel writers speak of the New World continents in terms that suggest the female body, so Pocahontas becomes a living, breathing representation of this female continent, willingly taken by the English male explorer. (In latter-day, postcolonial literature, this relationship would be likened more to rape.) It deepens and complicates the connections between England and the New World, just as John Smith and other early colonialists hoped to extend and deepend England's commitment to settling the New World.
The most interesting angle to me is that latter versions of the story (not Smith's own version) introduce the idea of a romantic relationship between Smith and Pocahontas. This fanciful, Hollywood spin on the legend in part simply makes for a better story, as it extends and complicates their entanglement, and it makes the story more enjoyable as a romantic encounter across language and cultural barriers. People love a good love story, and sex sells.
Still, it seems to me that it serves a larger, more metaphorical purpose. The idea that Smith's own story of Pocahontas saving him serves colonial ends in suggesting a peaceful coexistence between Natives and English is well established, but why eroticize the story? In oversimplified terms, the love story symbolizes the romance between England and the New World. Just as many English poets and early travel writers speak of the New World continents in terms that suggest the female body, so Pocahontas becomes a living, breathing representation of this female continent, willingly taken by the English male explorer. (In latter-day, postcolonial literature, this relationship would be likened more to rape.) It deepens and complicates the connections between England and the New World, just as John Smith and other early colonialists hoped to extend and deepend England's commitment to settling the New World.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Bring Back Faculty Parking
Yesterday, I had to park about a quarter-mile from my office. I teach afternoons and evenings on Mondays, so by the time I arrived, the campus parking lot was full to the perimeters. Like many community colleges, in some kind of vague notion of the idealization of egalitarian values, we have no designated faculty parking where I work.
"What's wrong with that?," I suppose you're asking. Why shouldn't faculty have to walk like everyone else? They're not special.
I beg to differ for the following reasons. For one thing, faculty members have to tote multiple bags to work every day, including but not limited to laptop computers, books and other reading materials, graded papers and exams, and other teaching props and tools. Many also must carry their lunch, since they don't make enough money or have enough time to eat out every day. Students generally have one knapsack with a couple of books and a notebook. When you work somewhere for 20 years, it's a nice perk to not have to walk the length of two football fields to get to your office from your parking space.
I also dispute the notion that faculty are not worthy of special treatment when it comes to parking. The hierarchal structure that esteems faculty and others is a system that has worked for hundreds of years; it helps to instill respect in younger people as well as a sense of envy. This envy, with any luck, is part of what drives to succeed. Parking is a symbolic benefit, really, but it's symbolic of what you achieve when you put in the hard work and time required to receive an education. If all the benefits are yours to start with, what's the point?
Good parking is also a no-cost and easy-to-facilitate benefit for employees. It's a way of bestowing reward on your employees and faculty members just for being loyal and hard workers. At Google and other young Internet companies, employees receive such perks as free massages, nap time, cook-to-order meals, and in-office gym facilities. Surely a decent parking space is not so much to ask.
Granted, when I was a student at UT in Austin, I got pretty irked seeing all the empty faculty spaces when student parking was for all practical purposes non-existent. But then, I was 18, so what did I know? Not much.
Disclaimer: It occurs to me that people get in trouble for posting about work. I want to state for the record that the above post is not meant to reflect poorly on my employer. This is a general trend with colleges everywhere.
"What's wrong with that?," I suppose you're asking. Why shouldn't faculty have to walk like everyone else? They're not special.
I beg to differ for the following reasons. For one thing, faculty members have to tote multiple bags to work every day, including but not limited to laptop computers, books and other reading materials, graded papers and exams, and other teaching props and tools. Many also must carry their lunch, since they don't make enough money or have enough time to eat out every day. Students generally have one knapsack with a couple of books and a notebook. When you work somewhere for 20 years, it's a nice perk to not have to walk the length of two football fields to get to your office from your parking space.
I also dispute the notion that faculty are not worthy of special treatment when it comes to parking. The hierarchal structure that esteems faculty and others is a system that has worked for hundreds of years; it helps to instill respect in younger people as well as a sense of envy. This envy, with any luck, is part of what drives to succeed. Parking is a symbolic benefit, really, but it's symbolic of what you achieve when you put in the hard work and time required to receive an education. If all the benefits are yours to start with, what's the point?
Good parking is also a no-cost and easy-to-facilitate benefit for employees. It's a way of bestowing reward on your employees and faculty members just for being loyal and hard workers. At Google and other young Internet companies, employees receive such perks as free massages, nap time, cook-to-order meals, and in-office gym facilities. Surely a decent parking space is not so much to ask.
Granted, when I was a student at UT in Austin, I got pretty irked seeing all the empty faculty spaces when student parking was for all practical purposes non-existent. But then, I was 18, so what did I know? Not much.
Disclaimer: It occurs to me that people get in trouble for posting about work. I want to state for the record that the above post is not meant to reflect poorly on my employer. This is a general trend with colleges everywhere.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Watching TV on the Internet
Technology is amazing. Just 10 years ago, if I had wanted to watch television, I would have had to drag myself into the living room, find the remote control, find a place to sit on the couch, turn the TV on, and find something to watch on only 36 channels of cable television. The picture was great, but the sound quality was mediocre at best.
Now, with the advent of the Internet, I can, with the aid of my $1,000 laptop computer and $50 Internet access, enjoy television from the comfort of my $79 Office Depot secretarial chair. True, the picture's a lot smaller and the quality's a bit granier (or as we say in the technology biz, more pixelated) than my old television, and sometimes the video just stops because the connection isn't fast enough. But the main point is that I'm watching TV on the Internet! How cool is that? It's the magic of the World Wide Web. Technology has made all sort of incredible things possible, and watching TV at my desk is just one of them.
Programming has improved substantially as well, at least in terms of quantity. First of all, I don't have to read any news, because now most of the news links or headlines lead to video feeds of news stories from cable TV. I can get the same high-quality, in-depth news coverage on my computer as I used to get on the best television cable channels. I'm no longer limited to network entertainment, and I'm no longer chained to the button-down primetime TV schedule. At any time of day, hell, even in the middle of the night, I can just bring up YouTube and watch thousands upon thousands of low-cost entertainment without all the pretensions of network TV.
The other day, someone also told me that you could listen to the radio on the Internet. Wow. I'm going to have to check that out. That would really save me a lot of time and money!
Now, with the advent of the Internet, I can, with the aid of my $1,000 laptop computer and $50 Internet access, enjoy television from the comfort of my $79 Office Depot secretarial chair. True, the picture's a lot smaller and the quality's a bit granier (or as we say in the technology biz, more pixelated) than my old television, and sometimes the video just stops because the connection isn't fast enough. But the main point is that I'm watching TV on the Internet! How cool is that? It's the magic of the World Wide Web. Technology has made all sort of incredible things possible, and watching TV at my desk is just one of them.
Programming has improved substantially as well, at least in terms of quantity. First of all, I don't have to read any news, because now most of the news links or headlines lead to video feeds of news stories from cable TV. I can get the same high-quality, in-depth news coverage on my computer as I used to get on the best television cable channels. I'm no longer limited to network entertainment, and I'm no longer chained to the button-down primetime TV schedule. At any time of day, hell, even in the middle of the night, I can just bring up YouTube and watch thousands upon thousands of low-cost entertainment without all the pretensions of network TV.
The other day, someone also told me that you could listen to the radio on the Internet. Wow. I'm going to have to check that out. That would really save me a lot of time and money!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
What is Comedy?
Comedy is saying that which is not meant to be said, or saying what everybody's thinking but is afraid to say.
Comedy ends happily, but may take tragic turns along the way.
Comedy is about incongruity.
Comedy may bring about laughter from surprise or from fulfilling wicked expectations.
Low-brow comedy is smart in the same way that rock music is smart: it doesn't pretend to be anything beyond what it is.
In general, funny people do not proclaim themselves to be funny. They may know they are funny, in fact they probably do, but they don't say it. Saying it kills the comedy.
Comedy defensive driving is a contradiction in terms, but still not as bad as regular defensive driving.
Comedy is laughing at the absurdity and tragedy of life. It's laughing in order to avoid crying.
Comedy ends happily, but may take tragic turns along the way.
Comedy is about incongruity.
Comedy may bring about laughter from surprise or from fulfilling wicked expectations.
Low-brow comedy is smart in the same way that rock music is smart: it doesn't pretend to be anything beyond what it is.
In general, funny people do not proclaim themselves to be funny. They may know they are funny, in fact they probably do, but they don't say it. Saying it kills the comedy.
Comedy defensive driving is a contradiction in terms, but still not as bad as regular defensive driving.
Comedy is laughing at the absurdity and tragedy of life. It's laughing in order to avoid crying.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
On the Memory of Princess Di (a poem)
On the Memory of Princess Di
my girlfriend and I
had an argument
whose death
had a bigger impact?
Princess Diana
or Mr. Hooper
you know,
the white-whiskered, bespectacled
beloved storekeeper on Sesame Street
Diana helped millions
she said
was loved by
all except him
(and who cares about him?)
embodied
beauty and grace
truly
the People’s Princess
Yeah
I said
but
when
Mr. Hooper died
it made Big Bird cry
and that was one
big fucking canary.
my girlfriend and I
had an argument
whose death
had a bigger impact?
Princess Diana
or Mr. Hooper
you know,
the white-whiskered, bespectacled
beloved storekeeper on Sesame Street
Diana helped millions
she said
was loved by
all except him
(and who cares about him?)
embodied
beauty and grace
truly
the People’s Princess
Yeah
I said
but
when
Mr. Hooper died
it made Big Bird cry
and that was one
big fucking canary.
Not a Problem
I've started this blog as a place to post my writing, including a few published pieces and a lot more of stuff that I don't know what to do with otherwise. This can include essays that are not very marketable, screwy little poems, and, like the millions of other blogs out there, general musings and rants.
Let me start with my standard rant about "not a problem." This has now all but replaced "you're welcome" when the conversation in question includes a waiter. They bring you a bottle of ketchup, you say "thank you," and they say "no problem," or "not a problem."
I realize they don't mean anything bad by this, and in fact are trying to be polite, but why would it be a problem? Isn't this just a subtle way of saying, "Hey, it could have been a problem, but I went out of my way for you. So I agree you should be thanking me."
Let me start with my standard rant about "not a problem." This has now all but replaced "you're welcome" when the conversation in question includes a waiter. They bring you a bottle of ketchup, you say "thank you," and they say "no problem," or "not a problem."
I realize they don't mean anything bad by this, and in fact are trying to be polite, but why would it be a problem? Isn't this just a subtle way of saying, "Hey, it could have been a problem, but I went out of my way for you. So I agree you should be thanking me."
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